Wednesday, December 05, 2007

I Have A Theory

Follow me for a moment.

In an electrical circuit, the speed of electrons is about 4 x 105 meters per second. In a word, fast.

Yes, electrons are speedy little buggers. But an electrical circuit can be no faster than the response time of it's slowest component. In most circuits that would be a mechanical relay.

In nature this concept is carried over into herding animals. An example would be a herd of antelope, which can move no faster than it's slowest members. In nature this works to the advantage of the herd, as the slower and weaker members are regularly culled by predators or hunters.

The human brain is both electrical and organic, thus it operates on this same principle. It can be no faster than it's slowest brain cells. Brain cells, however, have no natural predators. But we do have alcohol. Excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells, but in obeyance of natural selection laws, only the slowest and weakest are the first to go. Consequently, the regular consumption of alcohol eliminates the weaker cells, thus continually making the brain a swifter and more efficient organism.

The result of my thesis is verified by the link between frat parties and engineering student performance. It also could be used to explain why, after leaving school, getting married, and "settling down" most engineers can not keep up with the latest graduates. Only those of us that maintain a strict regimen of a short glass (or two) per day are able to maintain the intellectual level of our more recently graduated peers.

Anyway, that's my theory, and I'm sticking to it.

Let's lift a short glass to my "weedin' out the weak ones" theorem.

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